We were at an internationally reputed bank yesterday, where I have my personal account and more to the point, our company has it’s corporate account.
We, meaning the finance manager of our company and I, were chatting with the relationship manager of the bank, when he suddenly thought it would be a good idea to get the bank’s corporate wealth manager to present some ideas to us, which according to him, should be able to show some innovative ways in these tired and difficult times. Not that we wanted to hear him, but it was pointed out to me that we had some more time on out parking meter, so we thought it would be a good idea to stick around.
The Corporate wealth manager (CWM) came in and the conversation went like this:-
CWM:- Pleased to meet you. Bad situation these days isn’t it?
Me:- weird opening, but I’ll tow the line Yes, it is.
CWM:- People losing their jobs everywhere and companies going through a crunch and all that
Me:- maybe he’s chatting me up Yes, very bad. Very, terribly bad. (Trying to be Hugh Grant-esque)
CWM:- So how is your company doing? Must be very difficult, the times are just not right these days for business.
Me:- Okay, he’s fishing for info (I was wrong – he wanted me to say we were in a bad position) We’re actually doin okay.
CWM:- That’s nice. I’m sure these days a company would consider a flat line to be a sign of growth.
My finance manager chuckles
Me:- Well, to be very honest, we’re growing pretty well actually.
CWM:- Looks like he’s seen the ghost of Benjamin Franklin on a dollar bill Really, what business are you into?
Me:- Well, toiletries and cosmetics. You know, soaps and stuff.
CWM:- Well, people must have their bath, mustn’t they? Laughs at his bad joke which is usually my bad joke Good for you! But our people are really suffering these days. The economy is in real bad shape. The government here doesn’t realize that when our brothers leave here, they take their money and go. Their family also goes. That is a big blow to the economy. Which bank do you bank with , other than our bank?
Me:- Actually, all our money is with your bank. You guys have been our number one since we opened shop and we haven’t seen the need to change thus far.
Such a statement would deserve some chest puffing from the CWM but I was surprised when he went
CWM:- Oh! with such a pained look – Why? That became clear later
CWM:- Yes things are very bad. And there are ways to make it better…
Me:- Here it comes. I could see a master at work. The perfect salesman chatting up his customer to the point where he would make his offer-that-I-couldn’t-refuse sales pitch. Being a salesman myself at many levels, I was eagerly waiting for the pitch to come with the best dopey expression I could muster on my face.
CWM:- I would tell you to invest in the stock market. But actually, you shouldn’t trust someone who asks you to invest in the stock market, especially not in this country. You can never really trust what’s going to happen here. I wouldn’t if I were you. But there are better ways of course…
Me:- I can’t for wait it!!!
CWM:- Actually, the bank is trying to increase it’s liquidity position and we are looking for new accounts and fresh deposits. Is there any way you can consider increasing your deposits with us?
That was the sum, the substance and the entire tragic gamut of his sales-pitch to us.
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