Leaflet soon to be issued on all Major Airlines across the world.
Welcome to India. India, a culturally diverse country where all major religions live together peacefully and harmlessly, while killing innocent people for leisure. A country rich in heritage, whose monuments are desicrated by gentlemen who want to make a statement they haven’t decided on yet. A country where the import and export of RDX is at par with the best in the world. A country with the largest population in the world, who do not believe in population control by using a condom. When the population blows out of proportion, it actually does!
Traveling to India? Follow these tips to ensure that you have a wonderful time in the sub-continent.
– Passport – You’ll need it to prove that you are an Indian and therefore not worth taking as a hostage. If you’re an American / Britisher it would make good sense to invest money in getting a fake passport as soon as you land in any city in India. A spray on tan wouldn’t be a bad idea.
– Armor Resistant Inner Garments – Very much like winter innerwear. In the case of the latter, you’d be using it to keep the cold out. In the case of the former, you’d be using it to keep your life in.
– Podcast of “Teach yourself Jujitsu in 15 minutes”
– High resolution camera phone with unlimited video recording capability. You never know how much you can make by selling terrorist videos to news channels.
– If you think you have pretty / handsome features, you should carry a knife. Kindly understand that this is not as a reactionary measure, but as precautionary step. In the event of emergency, please open your bag, take out your knife, point the blade towards your face and cut diagonally across. This should ensure that no terrorist gentlemen will think you are pretty important, because
a. Your face would become unrecognizable with all the blood, and (more importantly)
b. You’re would have successfully demonstrated that you are crazier than the terrorist gentlemen
– A nice book. These hostage situations can sometimes go on forever. What better time to catch up on some nice reading?
– Wear a T-shirt with a small bulls-eye painted over it. This would make it easier for the terrorist gentlemen to dispatch you without an inconvenient delay.
– Ensure that your pocket/purse always has a few small tomato ketchup sachets. Using one of these, if you are not fortunate enough to be shot at, could bag you an interview with any of the news channels.
– Start referring to your friends and relatives as 121,24,43,etc. Because that is what the news channels call them anyway.
– Ensure that your will and insurance are ready everytime you leave your house. It might be useful to check if the beneficiaries of both are not already dead in the latest attacks.
Enjoy your stay! Thank you flying with us, and if you do manage to make it out back alive, we look forward to serving you again.
If you haven’t got it yet, this post is dripping in sarcasm. On 26th Nov, terrorits took charge of Mumbai hotels and opened fire on innocent civilians at Railway stations. My boss in Mumbai told me, “Yeh tho hotha rehtha hai Mumbai mein. Ab hum kya kar sakthe hain?” The terrorists have ensured that they have made a complete mockery of the fabric of society. They have demonstrated that the human life is no more sacred than a misguided ideal floating around in their head. To the hour, a hundred innocent people have laid down their lives for .. what? their country? their family? someone’s idealogy? Truth be told, their lives and the dreams have suddenly stopped for – nothing.
My dear sister told me that someone she knew who was working at the restaurant of the Trident, Mumbai was shot dead by the terrorists as they entered the building.
Two years ago, we were hoping that my sister should be posted as the restaurant manager of the Trident in Mumbai.
Posted by #24.
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