I have been thinking for 26 years now. Not about any particular thing, but I have been thinking of various things. Some of these thoughts include ..
“Goo goo gaa gaa“
“Hey look, I just discovered my fingers”
“Maggi or Upma?”
“Who shall I marry?”
It shall ease your pain to realise that these are not a compendium of all the thoughts that have crossed my mind, but a brief collection of the repeating ones. Unfortunately, the last one is a human translation of the first one, which is in Martian – a language that we tend to forget when we’re two years old.
So let me dwell on that .. Who shall I marry? Evidently, the question is not as easily answered as
“What shall I have for dinner” (Maggi)
“Where shall we go today”(Nowhere)
“What shall I do right now, now that I have been confronted with an immediate problem that required my urgent attention and deployment of all my senses?” (Sleep)
“Who shall I marry”(Umm …errr…aaaah…)
Just so that my thoughts on the subject are vitally clear and can be back-referenced when the time will come for my brain transplant, I feel it necessary to record these points hereunder for your displeasurable viewing.
a. She shall be a Sagittarian, if not an Arian, if not a Leo (precedence from left)
b. She shall like cows,elephants,rabbits,horses,cats, dogs(dimishing precedence from the right)
c. She shall love to travel the world
d. She shall like Frasier, Who’s line, Everybody loves Raymond, Friends, King of Queens, Seinfeld (pick any two)
e. She shall be a she (no compromise here)
f. The sum of the digits of her date (only date) of birth shall be 4,8 but can also be 3,6,9 and if you think about it 0,1,2,5,7 aren’t so bad either (easy on the swearing buddy)
g. She shall love to dance
h. She shall love to sing, in key
i She shall love to love me
Okay.Maybe that last point isn’t so important.
With the good offices of my friends in Google, Wiki and SETI I have managed to calculate the probability of such a being existing. It has taken 173.6 years to calculate. Please don’t remind me that I am only 26 years old. Are you saying that you do not recognise my lives as the famous grasshopper Fred of the Savannah and the handsome tree at Mount Gletscherhorn?
What has come out this immensely successful boring project is this:
a. The person who fits the description above exists; or rather existed 173.2 years back. She died when she had gone trekking at Mount Gletscherhornwhen and a tree fell on her.
b. The only other person who fits this is a very confused female otter somewhere in the backlands of New Zealand.
Which brings me hastily to point j.
Point J. Strictly humans (read that again)